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How to deliver a career-ending presentation today

Do you hate your job and want to be fired tomorrow? One sure way to move to the front of the line for dismissal is to deliver a suicide-pill presentation. Use any one or more of the following methods to deliver your career ending presentation. Use these presentation tips today and say hello to unemployment tomorrow.

1. Don’t prepare. Forget about research, rehearsing and logistics planning. Preparation takes thought, effort and time. Why invest in those efforts if you think you can wing it. Think of all the leaders in any field who winged it. Yeah, I can’t think of any either.

2. Start your presentation by whining about how little time you had to prepare. Your presentation was scheduled for next week but today’s speaker got sick and you have to fill in – so please bear with me. Or whine about the cold coffee, the weather or room temperature. Mimic Homer Simpson – blame others for your presentation and performance shortcomings.

3. Read your presentation. That’s right. Stand up there and read your presentation word for word from a printed text. That’s boring for your audience and will demonstrate a complete lack of knowledge and conviction. You can always cry to your spouse that at least you got all the words right.

4. Write your entire speech in PowerPoint. Write your speech in PowerPoint because it is easy to do. It’s not effective – but it’s easy. Show how lazy and inconsiderate you are. Then read your presentation from the words on the PowerPoint slides. Yes – show people how stupid you believe them to be. They can’t read. That’s why you will read every slide to them. Even if you only read every second slide that demonstrates that you think that they are half stupid. Read every third slide to demonstrate that they are 1/3 stupid.

5. Be very casual in your appearance. Deliver your presentation while seated, leaning on your chair or sitting on the boardroom table. Why stand when you can sit or loaf? Dress down so you are the worst dressed in the room. Tattoos and piercings are really cool so flaunt them. Do your Al Bundy impression – thumbs in pants stance.

6. Play it safe. Give tons of statistics and data. Pretend you are an encyclopedia. In fact read information from books and technical reports. What could be wrong with that? Don’t give your opinion, recommendation or relevance of the information. Just dump information. Yep – that’s boring.

7. Spew techno babble, cliches and vague wording. Think outside of the box, embrace the paradigm shift and raise the bar. Empower staff. Jump the shark – you’re done like dinner.

8. Don’t look at your audience. Refuse to make eye contact. Treat them as the enemy. Instead look at your notes, the screen, the floor, the wall or the boardroom table. Look anywhere but into the eyes of your audience. Don’t let them see the whites of your eyes. They might recognize your fear.

9. Tell jokes. It works for the late night TV talk show hosts. So deliver your top ten list, a sexist joke, or racial insult. When talking to a group of lawyers be sure to pull out all your lawyer jokes. Show them your best Don Rickles or Red Fox imitation.

10. Run overtime. You were given 20 minutes to speak. Why not give them more by speaking for 48 minutes. Surely that’s what people want? Disrespect other peoples’ time – that’s a good career ending strategy.

11. Don’t conclude. Finish without telling people what you want them to do. Make them guess. After all they have all the time in the world to figure out what the heck you were trying to say. Why make it easy on them?

12. Insult and embarrass your audience – especially your boss’s boss. Perform your impressions of your coworkers. Make fun of their appearance, culture or vision. Demonstrate your sarcastic wit. Preface your comments with, “obviously” and “you probably never heard of this”.

Below are the reasons why you should design and print presentation pocket folders for your business. Presentation folder gives maximum visibility to your business identity and are professional way to present your documents in any position.

• Business Identity

Two Pocket Folder can become the identity of your business if they are professional designed and printed. While giving presentation to customer or presenting your documents, the first thing customer view is your presentation folders. They need to designed in a way that they give uniform look with your rest of the business printed materials and should clear message to your customer about the services you offer.

• Presentation Portfolio

Pocket folders are the best presentation portfolio of the company, they present documents in most arranged and professional manners and carries all the information about your company in one packet. Die cut folders are the most used folders these days for presentation purpose.

• Company Message

Printed folders are the message of a company. If professionally designed and printed, they are the best advertising medium for your company.

• Thing to Remain In-Front

Custom Presentation folders are the thing to remain in-front of customer all the time. If your folders are designed beautifully and in innovative way, it can actually force the customer to put your folders in their table all the time just as a show piece and it will serve your purpose.

• Document Manager

Pocket Presentation Folders are the best business document managers. You can place your marketing material in the pockets, put your business cards on the pockets of the folders and you can also put your media CD on the folder pocket. This will become your one package which will have all your marketing material and will remain in easy access to the customer.

• Easy Access to Information

As all the information is in-front of customer all the time and at one place, customer can find all the information about your company easily and can contact you any time for sales/services. Easy access of information is so important that it is found that many company lose quite a bit of business just because their customer cannot find them the 2nd time. So give you customer the facility to find you easily.

• Media Kit

Presentation folders can also be used as Media kits. These can be designed and printed in a way that all your media kit can fit into it and all the things will be in one place and easy to access. You can have two to three pockets, vertical pockets round pockets to give it innovative look and to full fill your media kit requirements accordingly.

• Trade Show Hand outs

You can easily use Presentation folders for Trade show hand outs to distribute your company information to you potential clients. It will have all the information in it and will be your gateway for potential clients. You can put your brochures, inserts, leaflets, business cards and your presentation CD inside folders to hand out to customers at Trade shows.

• Company Gifts

You also use 2 pocket folders as company gifts along with other small gift your existing or new clients. This give you all the opportunity to give all information about your products and services to clients.

• Photo Holders

Two pocket folders can also be used as photo holders, key card holders and other stuff holders. You can present your company pictures in the photo folders. You can also use these to present your new products along with the pictures of your product to introduce new product in the market.

The multi-functional pocket folders offer a high-quality solution to organizing office presentations to school assignments.

Pocket folders, constructed in heavy-duty polypropylene, long-lasting 8-gauge clear vinyl or similar such resilient plastic, offer a professional finish touch to accept proposals, reports, presentations, or loose sheets.

Its frosted or crystal-clear plastic is flexible and ultra-light, with sufficient strength to withstand everyday use, and ensures paperwork is protected against a light rain shower. A heavyweight poly folder ensures photocopy transfer is not possible due to its high-quality polypropylene construction, which is able to give a non-stick finish.

Plastic file folders, with dimensions in the region of 11.75-inch x 9-inch (in its closed position) and fitted with two 5-inch pockets on the inside are ideal to accept 50 sheets of full size paper (8.5 x 11-inch) on each side. A card slot on the inside or front of a folder is nice touch to place personalized information or data, such as nametags or business cards. Folders equipped with punched holes or snap-in slits are also great if wishing to secure loose pages or sheets.

In addition to the typical-sized 2-pocket folders, a more versatile option is seen with the 3-panel folders, which are designed to cope with a wide variety of projects and certain to keep those important papers organized and in one place. A tri-fold pocket folder, with its left, central and right pockets, is often equipped to hold up to 50 loose sheets in each of its pockets.

Overall, a multi-purpose 2 or 3 pocket folder, in a wide variety of colors, offers a perfect storage solution for proposals, reports, and presentations for all types of meetings, projects or assignments.