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Shrugging shoulders – The question was asked of him, “why should we lower our price?” He shrugged his shoulders, took a moment to reflect on the question, and then offered several reasons why the price should be reduced. Little did he know, his shoulder shrug exposed the fact that initially, he didn’t have an answer to the question. Others picked that up and he lost credibility.

When negotiating, you should possess a heightened sense of awareness about the signals you send via your body language. You should also have a heightened sense of awareness of the other negotiator’s body language. That’s because body language displays true feelings. While some very good negotiators know how to convey false emotions through their body language, through their attempt to convey such emotions, their body tries to compensate for the inequity the body is experiencing. The shrugging of the shoulders is one form of display that the body conveys such sentiments.

What shoulder shrugging indicates:

The shrugging of the shoulders during a negotiation can imply different meanings depending on what occurred earlier in the negotiation, the level of intensity of what’s currently being discussed, and the mental frailty of the negotiator displaying the gesture. It can mean:

1. What else do you want from me?
2. I don’t really know the answer to that?
3. I don’t care?
4. I feel threatened!
5. I’m indecisive.
6. I’m thinking but I don’t know what to say.
7. I’m experiencing some form of pressure.
8. I disagree with you.
9. I have disdain for what’s being discussed.
10. I despise you.

To more accurately note the intent of the meaning, observe what occurred prior to the shoulder shrugging gesture. Also, note the length of time the shoulders stay in that position; that will allow you a glimpse into the degree the expression is being internalized. You can also gain additional insight into its meaning by noting other body language gestures that accompany the shrug(s). As an example:

1. Mouth agape with head leaning forward is more of a display of not backing down. While head leaning back can indicate a reluctance to pursue the point being discussed much further.
2. Ponding of the fist indicates defensiveness with the possibility of becoming aggressive.
3. Sighing while displaying the shoulder shrug is a sign of exasperation. The level of exasperation is amplified when hands are extended in a palms-up or palms-down gesture.

When reading body language, you need to remember that the body always seeks to be in a state of comfort. When that state is violated the body displays its lack of comfort in an attempt to retrieve the state of comfort that it seeks. It’s during the times when the body is displaying such gestures that you need to be very attentive. You’ll gain a deeper understanding of what’s occurring in the other negotiator’s mind by doing so. Depending on your negotiation strategy, you can allow the opposing negotiator to emotionally flutter in discomfort or throw him a lifeline to assuage his discomfort.

In your future negotiations, if you become more aware of body language signals and the shoulder shrug in particular, you’ll be able to negotiate from a stronger position… and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating.

When your firm has the opportunity to make a presentation on some new business, it may be tempting to think it’s in the bag because of your skills and experience. But, while your ability and related experience can get you on that short list, it’s the power of your team’s presentation that may win or lose you the business. You have a double challenge. You need to deliver a comprehensive and compelling team presentation. And the other and often bigger challenge is the effectiveness of your “people skills.” Clients who are in search of a vendor don’t just want someone who can do the job. They’re looking for trustworthiness, commitment and chemistry with the project team. Despite the fact that a vendor search may be based on a rational, objective decision-making process, the bottom line is clients are going to select people they like. No matter how well you meet their criteria, if they don’t like you, it won’t matter. So rapport building is an important strategy in the team presentation.

Here are six strategies to consider in your rapport building to enhance your likability:

1. UNDERSTANDING. How well do you understand not only the client’s business and project needs, but their constraints, their challenges, their difficulties? Be sure to focus on your knowledge and understanding of the client’s needs, not just on your strengths and assets. 

2. ATTITUDE. Having a confident, can-do attitude is extremely appealing. You exhibit confidence when you answer questions knowledgeably, speak positively — “we can take care of that” — and don’t put yourself down and sell yourself short. Clients want to work with pleasant, positive people. The dark side of this coin is “arrogance.” Projecting a sense of “fait accompli,” or worse, criticizing or putting down the competition, could spell a death knell. You want to project a sense that you want the business and can do the job, not that no one else could do it… 

3. LISTENING. Good listening skills are potent. Remember to use “active listening,” the three-step technique of using your EAR — Engage the speaker, Actually hear what’s being said, and Respond appropriately — to engage others and let them know you’ve both heard and understood them. When your prospect talks about their issues, problems, and objectives, your ability to show you’ve heard and understood has immeasurable impact. 

4. NONVERBALS. It doesn’t matter if you feel pleased and proud to be there. What matters is if you look pleased and proud. If you’re leaning back in the chair, with your arms crossed and a bored or distracted look on your face, that’s what the client will believe you feel. So watch your body language — make sure it’s open, relaxed, and interested. Lean forward when someone speaks to you, make eye communication with every member on the team, put some energy in your comments. Show your pleasure at this opportunity. Smile easily, have enthusiasm for the project. 

5. INTEREST. Without a doubt, showing interest in others is one of the most powerful likeability factors. Make sure that the focus of your presentation is not entirely on you and what you offer. While you certainly want to communicate your positive points, keep in mind that everyone else is doing that, too. What will impress the client and be more memorable is how much interest you took in them-as individual members and as a company. This starts well before that final presentation, of course. You want to take every opportunity to meet with the decision-makers beforehand and show genuine interest in their business and their projects. Keep in mind that the client isn’t interested in how tough or difficult it will be for you to pull this off. But they’ll be sincerely impressed if you’re interested in their challenges-and can offer ways to solve their dilemmas. It’s a fact of basic human relations that we’re drawn to people who are interested in us. 

6. TEAM COHESIVENESS. Any time someone’s ego takes over on a team, it’s usually disastrous. You’re there as a team because the prospect wants to see a representative sampling of your expertise and skills and wants a feel for the chemistry between your group and theirs. When one person tries to hog the spotlight or insists on correcting or contradicting team members when they say something wrong, that person — no matter how right or bright — will doom the team to failure. 

People do business with those they like. So exhibit these traits to show your commitment to a project and you’ll increase your “win” factor.

Most business people approach a negotiation hoping for a win-win agreement. But even with the best of intentions, they usually fall into the same win-lose patterns that characterize most negotiations.

What qualities do win-win negotiators possess? How are they able to consistently achieve win-win outcomes? Cultivating these seven qualities will improve your chances of negotiating win-win agreements.

Engage in joint problem solving

Most of us are conditioned to see a negotiation as a chance to win or lose. As such, we do what we can to win as much as we can, and the other side does the same. This competitive mindset leads to win-lose or partial win results.

Win-win negotiators, however, approach a negotiation as an opportunity for joint problem solving. Instead of seeing two parties each trying for their own win, they look at a negotiation as a single problem they must solve together for mutual benefit. They believe two heads are better than one.

Understand your interests and prioritize them so you stay focused on what is important to you. Know what you must have and what you would like to get from the negotiation before you begin. Have a list of other items you are willing to exchange.

Try to anticipate the other party’s interests as well. Explore ways to help him get what he needs at little or no cost to you. Adopt a collaborative mindset. Strive to optimize the overall outcome, rather than trying to maximize your gains on each of a series of items.

Share information

Most people play their cards close to the chest during a negotiation. They refuse to tell the other party anything of substance for fear the other party will use it to their advantage.

Of course, there may be some things you don’t want the other party to know. For example, you may not want to share your alternatives or your “bottom line.” However, it does not hurt to let your counterpart know what your interests are. They will often reciprocate, and you are then in a better position to satisfy both party’s interests.

But what if you share your interests and the other party keeps his to himself? Would that place you at a disadvantage? No, it would not! Recent studies suggest that even when only one party lays his interests on the table, a win-win outcome is still more likely. The mere fact that some interests are disclosed improves the chances that both sides will benefit.

Ask questions

Asking questions is one way to get information. But the benefits of asking questions go beyond mere information. Asking nonthreatening questions allows you to build rapport and put the other party at ease. It allows you to manage the discussion and gives you time to think. Questions also allow you to check your assumptions and confirm your understanding of key points.

Be careful how you ask questions. Do not ask questions with a sarcastic tone or that otherwise sound threatening. Ask questions that seek fair information and show a genuine concern for the other party and the negotiation process.

Listen empathetically

You learn more by listening than by talking, so encourage the other party to speak by listening attentively. Make eye contact. Do not interrupt. Do not form conclusions until your counterpart has finished speaking.

A good listener shows concern and respect for the other party. Try to really understand the other party’s point of view, even if you do not agree. Recognize that his arguments and needs have merit. Likeable and agreeable negotiators accomplish more than self-centered ones.

Explain before disagreeing

Do not be quick to disagree with your counterpart. An immediate rejection suggests you do not really care about the other person and are not open to his ideas.

Consider what he is saying. Look for common ground and try to build on it with your counterproposal. Offer your counterproposal as a suggestion rather than a demand, and be prepared to discuss it.

Persuade

Use data, evidence, and logic to support your proposals. Focus on the most compelling one or two arguments rather than trying to build support with a smattering of less convincing arguments. Quality is more important than quantity here.

Use fair and objective standards to support your proposal. Offer facts and reasons that make intrinsic good sense, such as market prices and historical trends. Do not offer arbitrary arguments such as “that’s all we are willing to pay.” Unsupportable rationales are not persuasive and will make your counterpart more resistant.

Think laterally

A win-win solution is not always obvious. The ability to develop creative options is a key to crafting win-win agreements. Learn to think out of the box.

By modeling these characteristics of win-win negotiators, you too will become a better negotiator.